I spent a lot of time being in charge of things. For years I was the go to girl to make things happen. I was called a force of nature and known to be a problem solver.
But, the problem I couldn’t solve was my tendency to dive in so deep that I couldn’t come up for air. I took on too much, too fast, and regularly got overwhelmed, so much so that I had to quit it all.
I quit community work, political involvement, and most management work as well. I remember the feeling of freedom I had those years I just watched the water go by on the ferry. It was very satisfying.
It’s been more than ten years since I put myself in a true leadership role. I feel like I have a better handle on it now. I’m not doing this work in hopes of receiving respect now, but because I know how to do it and like coaching young cooks.
But my nights have started becoming restless. I always have kitchen dreams when I’m working, but lately, they’re stress dreams about not having enough sauce. Clearly I’m worried about forgetting things. It could be that it’s time to go back to writing things down.
It’s early morning as I write this, and I’m killing time before leaving for an early shift. I couldn’t sleep anymore, so I got up, showered and got dressed. I’m not stressed yet, but I hope I can keep it at bay.