Lucky

Sometimes, I forget about all the things I have to be thankful for. I have a home, a partner, opportunities, and comfort. I have so much more than so many people.

I’ve worked hard, and I’ve struggled, but no more than most people struggle. The things I have suffered do not grant me the riches I have right now. I’m simply lucky enough to have been born in a place and a time that offers these things.

I know that the choices I make determine what I have in the future. I didn’t always understand this. Even now, when I make measured choices, I question my own motives and ask myself if my decisions are wise. I learned not to rely on probable outcomes and to expect arbitrary failures.

Some might call this a lack of faith. I think of it as not overestimating myself or my abilities. I have a history of burnouts, which I don’t wish to repeat. I’m getting too old for do-overs. It’s unbecoming at this age. Clearly, I should know better now. I hope that I do.

Some time ago, in a therapy session, I was asked to visualize the life I wanted. The life I have now is not exactly what I expressed on that day, but the underlying feeling of peace and security I hoped for is growing.

I know how lucky I am. I also know how much effort it took to manifest some of that luck.

Published by Clarisa

Traveler, Writer, Cook, Mariner, Veteran

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