I’m less emotional now. I don’t know if it’s from reduced hormones in my body, a less stressful environment, age or my psych meds. Very likely it’s a combination of all of the above, and I’m thankful.
Years of a mind and soul in turmoil are like a memory of a memory now, like the memory of labor pain. I remember that it was bad, but the memory of the sensation is gone. It doesn’t haunt me.
Winter came suddenly this year. It wasn’t unexpected. In fact it felt a little late. We didn’t get our first real snow until the first week of November. But, then, it got cold in a hurry. One week we were wearing t-shirts and shorts, and the next week we were in parkas.
It finally warmed up a bit from deep freeze to tolerable cold. The sudden change in season has me dressed appropriately, but my mind hasn’t really adjusted yet. I’m going to be doing a lot of adjusting soon. I will start a new job soon that’s local, so I’m trying to get use to the idea of staying put.
That change of mindset is what prompted this recent spate of words and posts. I love traveling, but I know that I’m usually just satisfying my well developed flight response. My hope is that revisiting circumstances and emotions will help me understand that response better.
I have to ask myself if I like being on the move because it’s exciting and a change of scenery, or am I running away to a place of distraction. Packing away trauma to deal with later eventually has to be addressed. Maybe that time has finally come for me.
Beyond Clarity 